31 Days of Horror 2014: Days 7 - 12

31 Days of Horror 2014: Days 7 - 12

7. Captain Kronos – Vampire Hunter (1974)

During a key scene in this Hammer production, Captain Kronos says this about his assistant, “What he doesn't know about vampires could fit in a flea's codpiece.” This quote tells you all you need to know about “Captain Kronos,” but I'm going to tell you more anyway because I can't stop thinking about this very entertaining mix of gothic horror and spaghetti Western. Castles and vampires are really the only gothic horror elements, and almost everything else seems to have been borrowed from “Django.” Kronos is a former soldier who became a vampire hunter after his family was killed by vampires who drain their victims' youth rather than their blood. Kronos uses a sword rather than guns, but scenes such as the bar fight which ends with Kronos standing in the middle of a pile of bodies ensure that its western soul shines through. At times “Captain Kronos” is a bit campy and the fights are badly in need of a choreographer, but it never ceases to entertain and is a good reminder of why Hammer films can be so enjoyable.

8. Drag Me to Hell (2009)

I wanted to watch “Captain Kronos” again, but Vicki persuaded me to watch this welcome return to horror from Sam Raimi about a loan officer who is cursed by a Roma woman after she refuses to grant the woman a third extension on her mortgage. Its mix of gore and slapstick comedy place it in the same vein of horror as the Evil Dead films for which Raimi is famous, but “Drag Me to Hell” is much more restrained, and unlike the Dead films never veers annoyingly into Three Stooges territory, resulting in a much better movie.

9. Haxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922)

As its subtitle suggests, this silent film is a documentary of witchcraft featuring commentary on paintings and ancient texts delivered through intertitles and reenactments of witches doing their evil deeds and being punished for them. The reenactments feature several hilarious scenes of demons churning butter. They also taught me that witches literally kissed the devil's ass and gained the ability to fly from special ointment they rubbed on each others' backs. It also raises the point that although it's easy to criticize the witch hunters of the past, their continue in the present; they just take different forms.

10. The Omen (1976)

This one's supposed to be a horror classic, but the past few times I've watched it, I've wondered why. It plays as a serious horror movie, but it has too many ridiculous moments to be taken seriously and not enough to be any fun. Plenty of my favorite horror movies make little sense (“Suspiria” is exhibit A), but they work because they embrace the irrationality of the nightmarish worlds they create. “The Omen” wants me to believe both that it's a serious drama and that a jackal showed up at a hospital and gave birth to Satan's child. Despite these complaints, it is worth watching at least once just for the performance of Patrick Troughton (the Second Doctor) as the crazy priest who keeps telling Gregory Peck's character to accept Christ and “Drink His blood! Eat His flesh!”

11. The Changeling (1980)

This gem should be much better known than “The Omen," but I'd never seen it until this month. It's about a musician's attempts to uncover the mystery of the hidden room he discovers in a large old house he's renting. The most notable item in the room is a wooden wheel chair that once belonged to a child, and the film uses the eeriness of this object to great effect. “The Changeling” is one of the best ghost movies I've ever seen.

12. The Town that Dreaded Sundown (1976)

This has been the biggest disappointment of the month for me. Everything about this one suggested it had the potential to rival “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” as one of the most disturbing horror movies ever made: the title, the cover featuring a man's burlap-sack covered face, the fact that it was made in the 70s, and the documentary-style realism of the opening scene. Sadly, it quickly devolves into camp.